Narcissism: The Mask Unveiled

Have you ever been with a narcissist? Maybe you have and you didn’t know it. Or maybe you have and you had no problem with it because you have similar ways. In any case, a narcissist is nothing but a selfish, controlling, egotistical and self-centered human being. Some of the traits of a narcissist include feeling they are above you and that others are beneath them, very judgmental and critical to the point where they talk down to you. And please, don’t let them do anything for you because then they expect others to do whatever they ask of them. They are true manipulators who are all about control and taking advantage of others to get what they want. A narcissist is not going to do anything for you with no strings attached. This kind of behavior is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Narcissists are all about self and having control. They put up a facade of kindness, empathy and affection to get attention. They manipulate you by doing generous things and buying gifts to gain control, and use it against you later. After they have been absent for a while they shower you with gifts to make themselves feel good and to look good in other peoples eyes. A narcissist doesn’t care about other people’s feelings. They don’t do things out of kindness and because they want to help. They do things to maintains their security blanket meaning as long as they are helping you, they can control how you move and how you do things. They isolated themselves to keep others from approaching them or calling them out on their behavior. They keep you at a distance to avoid dealing with reality and the consequences that follow. However if they have a problem with others, they can confront them. 

If you have a problem you have to keep it to urself because of what they do for you. A narcissist is self-entitled. They desire and demand lots of attention and go over and beyond for people to like them. If you have a special occasion or and event , they will come up with every excuse as to why they can’t support you, why they can’t come to family events and etc. Now, if they are having an event they expect you to attend and if you don’t they dismiss you. In a narcissist eyes they do no wrong and they don’t like to apologize even when they are wrong. 

So if you don’t know by now (NPD) Narcissistic Personality Disorder is real. You might even be a narcissist yourself. If you got a friend, family member, or partner/spouse that’s a narcissist, all you can do is leave them be. They are living in their own world. You can be friends with them jus know what u are getting into. As far as family unless you can relate stay your distance and be cordial when you co-exist. If you are in a relationship or married get as far away from them as you can, otherwise you will feel trapped, and stuck in a toxic an aggressive relationship that’s going to suck you in until the well runs dry. Don’t get trapped cause once you do, it’s going to be hard to get out!!!

SELF DESTRUCTION: "HOW BLACKS HAVE BECOME THEIR OWN ADVERSARIES"

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As devastating as it is children are dying everyday from gun violence all over the country. For many reasons this is happening, many reasons some of us choose to ignore. Bullets, they have no name. The intended targets are saved by innocent souls and it's heartbreaking. What can we do to stop the violence and promote peace? It's easier to point fingers and place blame then it is to take responsibility for the things we condone and the problems we create.

Black people aka African Americans have become their own adversaries, starting with the new generation of gangs. Gangsters today are what you call powerful degenerates corrupting the innocence of society. To live the life of luxury they sell poisonous drugs to relatives and known residents of the neighborhood. They promote violence by terrorizing their own community. Low poverty and heavy drug addictions have led to violent crimes such as armed robbery, assault, breaking and entering and attempted murder. The sad thing about it is when you become an addict it affects all of those around you and it starts with family. They plot and pull scams on their closest relatives. As the condition worsens addicts begin to confiscate their loved ones valuable possessions, selling them for as low as $10 or $20. Drug addicts will do whatever it takes to maintain their habit not caring who they hurt to get it. Unmercifully, some have even went as far as trying to sell their children for $10 to $25.

Where we live, where we come from, our neighborhood, our community, is supposed to be a safe haven, a place of refuge. A place where we can have block parties, a place where we work together to protect the youth and our families, a place where we help with the needy and less fortunate. Where did it all begin? How did this happen? Our ancestors didn't fight for what we have by battling and working against their own. Back then they didn't have homes to live in, beds with mattresses to sleep in, or washing machines to wash their clothes in. They live in handmade shacks and slept on cots and wooden floors. They washed their clothes by hands in buckets and hung them on a clothing line. Back then blacks didn't work in banks, department stores, grocery stores and restaurants, and if they were they couldn't be seen. There were no black police officers, fire fighters, post workers, railroad conductors and bus drivers. During those times black people were called field workers, foremen, sharecroppers, janitors, chauffeurs and maids. Luxury cars and lavish living was the least of their desires. They just wanted to be free from the shackles, brutality and cruel punishment. the lynching and beatings and the rapes are the things they were trying to be free from. They fought for justice on white and black crimes and equal rights for their people, for us, for our people!

Somewhere, somehow we forgot about the beatings, the rapes, discrimination, deaths due to hate crimes and wrongful convictions of our ancestors. How is it that what our ancestors suffered, sacrificed and fought for took a 360 degree turn? The teachings of morality and loyalty towards family, what happened? Instead of loving each other and helping each other we have shown signs of hate. Men have no respect for women. They use degrading terms and are physically abusive towards them. The women are demoralizing themselves by using their body for attention to get what they want. So many men have neglected in their responsibilities as fathers leaving the mothers to raise the child on her own.

In the city of Chicago people do whatever it takes to provide for their families and their addictions. Life in this city is all about hustling. The unemployment and welfare lines are increasing daily. Young children are supposed to be in school are at McDonald's, grocery stores, laundromats and gas stations begging for change. Sexual abuse, teen pregnancy, teens with STDs and AIDS in African Americans is on the rise. Little boys are sagging their pants not knowing where it initially stems from. They are only doing what they see older teens and grown men do, specifically males in hip hop. It's the same as using the N word. How did something so degrading turn out to be proudly accepted?

At some point we lost focus, at some point we forgot where we came from. Take a look around, every ethnicity stands by and supports their own kind with the exception of African Americans. Everybody has something to call their own except black people. We keep blaming others, but the only ones we can blame is ourselves. Some say the system is set up for us to fail and if that's the case, some of us have proven them right!

Written by: Tamara M. Anderson February 20, 2014

Not an African American, but and American

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Barack Obama has repeatedly stated that he is an American not the African American people want him to be. In his recent speech he explained his multiracial background. His father is an African from Kenya and his mother was an American from Kansas. So people need to keep in mind that he is not just a black man, but a white man as well. The dna structure in African Americans is stronger than it is in white Americans, which is why Obama is more brown-skinned than light-skinned.

If African Americans are only supporters of Barack because of his skin complexion, they are in for a rude awakening. He is not focused on one nationality, one class group nor is he focused on one gender. Obama wants America to believe in his promise for change, not because he's part African American, but because he can deliver the antedote America needs to heal!

Written by Tamara M. Anderson on June 30, 2012

The Importance of Building a Solid Foundation for Our Children

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Parenting is more than about providing shelter,food and everyday necessities. It is inevitable to also provide safety, educate, discipline, give unconditional and tough love, and more importantly establish a consistent method to form concrete structure.

As a parent it is my job to set ground rules for my sons, teach them morals and values, motivate and support their aspirations, and fill their heads up with the common knowledge they need for daily living. It is also my job to mold them and guide them in a positive direction.

Here's how i built a solid foundation for my two sons. With my oldest son being 13 and my youngest being almost 12, I have done an excellent job I must say-as a single parent.

* Everyday my sons have a steady routine to follow. They are not grown, they do not make adult decisions, I am the parent: therefore, they have to abide by my rules. Being disobedient is a cause for discipline, but not always corporal. Taking special interest and privileges away seems to be more hurtful. But the key is to teach them a lesson and to let them know what they have done was not acceptable and there's consequences when they decide to be defiant However, no child is perfect, and there's a difference between being disobedient and not knowing any better.

* No parent can teach a child everything at once, but a parents job is to teach their child principles as they grow. What some parents don't realize is as their children are learning, they are learning as well-how to be good-if not great parents! Although at times I find myself sounding like a robot, I teach my sons right from wrong, mannerism, respect for themselves, their elders, their peers and others; how to behave in school and other public places. I teach them how not to imitate what they see or repeat what they hear because I am their leader.

* When it comes to privileges and luxuries they desire-it is not just given-it is earned. Each have given chores and are forced to be committed to responsibility. Everyday their chores and homework has to be done before watching television, listening to the radio, playing the video game or any other recreational activities. Even on weekends, non school days and in the summer they have assigned homework from me.

* I am very consistent with teaching them the value of life. I give them pep talks on the important aspects of life on a constant basis.

As a single parent it is my job to guide my sons in the direction of what it takes to be a man because I am not a man. However, I do teach them that it is not a woman's job to wait on hand and foot for them so it is important for them to establish some independency and stability for themselves. When I was coming up each elder of mine with children raised their children differently, including my mother. Most of us were raised without fathers in the home. I didn't want my sons to experience what myself and my cousins experienced, so I went a different route, and came up with a method that worked for me-it's been working every since.

Written by Tamara M. Anderson on June 30, 2012

Anderson Cooper: How Racism Affects Children At An Early Age

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Studies have shown that black children at a young age are more open to interracial friendships than white children. They are confident about their relationship with the opposite race. However, by the time they become teenagers they become just as pessimistic as white children. What some would be surprised to know is children experience racism early on rather than later. According to a special called "Kids and Race" on CNN Anderson Cooper 360, his studies have shown that nearly 40 percent of black children have a negative outlook on race, where as nearly double the percentage of white children are less optimistic.

Dr. Melanie Killen, child psychologist and professor of University of Maryland says African American parents prepare their children for diversity and discrimination early on. She says white parents believe their children are socially color blind and race is not an issue necessary to address.
"They sort of have this view that if you talk about race, you are creating a problem and what we're finding is that children are aware of race very early on," Dr. Killen said.

From My Perspective
During the special about Kids and Race with Anderson Cooper, Cooper examined how two six year old children, one African American and one Caucasian, interact with one another. The six year old black boy was more willing to play with the white girl, even though he was told not to. The six year old white girl who was also told not to play with black children did exactly what she was told.
In regards to racism CNN.com asked does racism still exist and where does it start? According to child psychologist Dr. Melanie Killen the division between white and black children starts with the different ways parents discuss race with their children.
Although it is a known fact that racism still exists, it's also a fact that racism is taught. Racism has sparked major controversy across America, especially in the African American culture. The ones who are affected the most by racism are the children. Children are just children who like to play with other children, regardless of race or gender.

Racism stems from the historical backgrounds of the European and African American ancestors. Back when blacks were treated like slaves and animals by their masters and en slavers. To them African Americans were worthless and beneath them. During that time African Americans weren't allowed to share the same bathroom, dine in the same restaurant and shop in the same stores. They were deprived from good paying jobs and education. Just because of the color of their skin they were brutally beaten, lynched, burned and shot to death.

Because of what African American ancestors and the current living endured, built up resentment caused generations thereafter to become angry and vindictive. They grew to despise the opposition and do things out of retaliation by being destructive and volatile. African American parents educate their children on racism and prepare them for obstacles they will face. To prevent causing harm to injury they advise their children to stick to their own kind. Just like African Americans children are forbidden to interact with black children, African American parents teach theirs to do the same. From generation to generation racism is passed down and it starts at a young age. Breaking those racial barrier lines will consist of doing away with the old and starting a new trend.

It is important to educate children on the history behind their culture. It is also important to guide them towards ways to learn form it and move past it. In reality African Americans cannot change what happened to their ancestors nor can the opposition change what their ancestors have done. When a child goes outside to play they want to play with other children. They don't care what nationality they are or what gender they are. By setting limitations on who they can play with is continuing on a pattern of racism and even more destruction within the community. Growing up in a diverse neighborhood can cause problems for children raised by nondiversal parents. Some parents seem to forget that what their child hears they repeat and what they say about people in general has an affect on how they perceive others. Racism is a deeper issue than many of us want to see, fail to accept and choose to ignore. It is apart of our everyday lives.
Yes, racism still exists! When children are brought into the world their minds are innocent. They only know what they are taught. When guiding our children we must keep in mind that what we instill in them while they are young, they practice when they become adults!

Written by Tamara M. Anderson August 13, 2012

The Importance Of Stepping Up to Parental Obligtions

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Parenting is a like it or not responsibility that takes patience and consistency. Most of all parenting is a teaching process. Before a child enters school or any part of the outside world he only knows what he is taught at home. Providing nourishment, shelter, clothes, shoes and other necessities, are not the only things required as a parent. Every child needs some kind of direction and a solid foundation, every child needs instillment of principles, morals and values. Furthermore every child needs discipline, tough love and unconditional love.

You can say you love your child but it means more than just saying. Children and teens who doesn't receive guidance, love and affection from home often looks for it elsewhere. Fatherless boys are more eager to join street gangs and become a menace to society. They grow up following patterns of abuse led on by their fathers or their mother's male companions. Young girls become promiscuous and disrespectful towards themselves. Those who are lacking parental guidance sometimes end up behaving maliciously through frustration. Some fall behind in education and are easily influenced by peer pressure. Both boys and girls become parents as young as age 14. Children need emotional support as well as financial support from their parents.

Some parents concentrate on being their child's friend instead of a parent, which is what causes children to become more defiant and disrespectful towards them as well as act out in school and in public. Very seldom do parents take responsibility for their child's disruptive behavior. It's easier to put the blame on others like; celebrities, television, music played on the radio and roles shown through movies then to take responsibility themselves. Parents are the ones who have control over what they children watch on television, the music they listen to and the activities they do on the Internet. There should be limitations to what's acceptable and what's not. 

Educating our children is important. It goes beyond teaching them how to spell, do math and how to read. It is necessary to teach our children the expectations of life. Teach them how to gain self-reliance and prepare them for adulthood. Give them the basic street knowledge they need. Teach them right from wrong and mannerism. Teach them how to take care of themselves. It is imperative to often have talks about drugs and unsafe sex and to make them feel comfortable enough to talk about things that bother them. Also we have to teach them how to love themselves, be strong and how to be leaders instead of followers!

Written by Tamara M. Anderson October 19, 2012

There Are No Pros When Using The N Word

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In the Summer of 2013 restaurant owner Paula Deen was fired from the Food Network due to her past use of the N-word.Since Deen's termination many fans and prominent figures have come to Paula's defense. Rev. Al Sharpton and Rev. Jesse Jackson Sr. both feel she should not have been punished. Talk show host Bill Maher also spoke in Deen's defense saying if she was fired for using the N word rappers music should also be banned!

Rather one would agree or disagree the use of the N word should not be used by anyone period. Some African Americans object to the word because they find it to be very disrespectful and indignant. Others feel it's nothing wrong with using the word as a figure of speech or greeting.

No matter how people try to sugar coat is there are no pros when it comes to calling someone a NIGGER/NIGGA. You can't change the meaning of the word no more than you can change the meaning of holidays like Halloween.

Controversy surrounds the word because those who use it, specifically African Americans tried to justify it. They feel those of opposite races should not use the word because it's offensive to them. It's a double standard for African Americans to use the word and no other race. If it's offensive coming from a Caucasian, Italian or any other ethnicity then it's offensive when African Americans use it towards each other!